Me at Paging Columbus!

Paging Columbus is a really cool group that hosts a bunch of different readings at the amazing OSU Urban Arts Space in Columbus, Ohio. When I was living near Columbus, the incredible Hannah Stephenson set up this reading with James DeMonte, Lesley Jenkie, Anne Valente, John M. Bennett, and me. I wish I was still around so I could go to some of the cool things they've got going on.

I read these things rapid fire. At the 2:40 mark, you can see me make a joke about how one person responded to my poems. In case you can't hear, the man claps. I say, "Oh thank you. Covered up the sound of the crickets."

Seriously though, it was a good crowd, and a spectacular reading. I know that the next time I'm in the area, I will be checking out Paging Columbus.

Meleagris gallopavo, Wattle, and Snood: That Turkey is Cuttin' Up

I took this picture of these three turkeys FROM THE SECOND FLOOR of the building I teach in on February 8 of this year.

I stress that the picture was taken from the second floor because my camera is junk, and these turkeys (one male and two females) are huge. They've been hanging out on campus here for a while, and the students do their best to stay clear of them. With good reason.

When I left my building to walk to my car today, there was a small crowd pointing across the street and laughing. The two female turkeys were on my side of the street, but the male was on the other, wings flared, pinning a tall, greasy, long-haired, and clearly inebriated man against the adjacent barber shop.

The man wound up and took long, erratic, sweeping kicks at the turkey, missing each time in increasingly hilarious fashion, all the while shouting incomprehensible curses at the turkey. I might have heard "leave me alone!"

The turkey made a horrific hissing noise, dodged the kicks, and pecked the man in his legs and crotch.

It was quite possibly the greatest thing I have ever seen.

I've always wondered how I would react in moments like these. I'd like to think that I would remember that I do indeed have a video recorder on my phone, but no. Instead I watch in pure delight. Maybe it's a generational thing. Cell phone video recorders are new within the last decade, right? Tall, greasy, long-haired, and clearly inebriated man could have been a YouTube celebrity.

And the turkey was the perfect bird for this moment. Too often the turkey gets a bad rap, like the goofy, ugly cousin of the chicken, whose meat we only like on subs and Thanksgiving. But, Turkeys are omnivores. They've been known to eat snakes, which is way more rock and roll than I ever was in my early twenties.  They exhibit sexual dimorphism, which is fun to say. And they are polygamous, too. I'm not saying that's a positive thing, but it can't be easy.

I guess I can understand why Ben Franklin, when criticizing the choice of the bald eagle as the national bird, wrote that the turkey is "a little vain and silly, 'tis true...[but is] a bird of courage, and would not hesitate to attack a grenadier of the British gaurds who should presume to invade his farm yard with a red coat on" (SEE THE SOURCE). Or, in this case, act out the most hilarious attack on a tall, greasy, long-haired, and clearly inebriated man in history.

It's turkey mating season, folks. Beware.