NEWTON FALLS - Last night at 9:29pm Eastern Time, Tobin F. Terry upstaged LeBron James’ media circus by announcing that he has returned to Northeast Ohio in a Facebook status update.
Terry’s announcement came just one minute after James declared his hatred of working-class people and terrible weather. Terry’s statement momentarily distracted a few people who otherwise weren’t paying attention to the basketball situation.
Alabama fans reacted in much the same way as Cleveland fans reacted to James’ leaving. Rather than burning jerseys, Alabamans are burning memories. “Who’s Tobin Terry?” one jilted fan said.
Terry’s announcement was preceded by months of deliberation and secrecy from the Terry entourage. “It was really hard for me to leave the Gulf coast,” Terry said. “But, I’ve been all over the world, and there’s still no place like home.”
One fan (name withheld) noted that the economic impact of Terry’s return may be enough to offset the impact of James’ departure. “Tobin owes me, like, 20 bucks. When he moved to Alabama, I thought I’d never get it back. Now, there’s a chance,” he said.
Rumors that Terry and Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert were guzzling whiskey before the bizarre letter to the public remain unconfirmed.
Terry’s publicist (aka, Terry himself) is available to answer questions about the return.
2 comments:
Mr Terry... David here, with the Plain Bugle.
The public has only one question; Does Alabama talk about us? Even ever mention us?
My sources say, "well, now they don't. That's for sure."
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