State of the Union Address Mentions Nothing About How Hard It Is Not to Talk Too Much About My Kid

Baby books do not warn about some of the changes that come with being a parent. They don't warn about how your sense of humor will change. They don't warn you that you will feel some abnormal connection with strangers who have children of equal or lesser age. (Maybe it's just me, but if I'm out and I see a guy with a crying baby, I give him a look like we're fraternal twins. I want it to be the "been there, buddy" look, but I'm afraid it's the "I'm a creep admiring your baby" look.) Yet, for me, perhaps the worst change of all is how much I want to talk about my kid.

I've avoided talking about my daughter as much as I can (except on Facebook-that's fair game). The problem, it seems, is that I think everything she does is hilarious. Sadly, I know that other people do not think it is hilarious. I know this because I have been on the other side of that exchange.

PARENT: "OMG, my baby just walked part way across the room, then he teetered a little, pooped his pants, and fell right on his bum! Hahaha. Isn't that hilarious?"

ME: "Sounds like my weekends."

PARENT: "He's only eight months! Can you believe it?"

ME: "Well, I saw a deer do that at only a few minutes old. It was pretty funny, I guess."

PARENT: Blank Stare

ME: "I guess you had to be there."

That's the thing. You do have to be there.

And it has to be your kid.

So, as much as I want to tell everyone

about how while I was watching the state of the union address, my daughter cracked up laughing every time people clapped...

Or about how she calls Nerds, "turds"...

Or about how she thinks "Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw / when you pick a pear / try to use the claw / But you don't need to use the claw when you pick a pear of the big pawpaw" is the most profound and comical thing ever said.