"What could possibly go wrong?"
"Multi-Day dangerous, destructive winter storm?"
"Damn. You're right."
We've been watching the storm closely because we're driving early this week and I'll be flying on Wednesday. And as my wife checked the site every few minutes over the last couple days as if a watched storm doesn't boil, I noticed something extremely disturbing. Anthropomorphism.
The Weather Channel reports, "A multi-day, multi-region potentially historic and destructive winter storm will unleash its fury beginning Monday and will last through Wednesday."
Unleash its fury? Hyperbole is one thing, but implying that vaporized water is drunk with either power or whiskey and is about to take out its frustrations on us is another. I understand that cable ratings and web clicks are essential for advertising revenue and that fear is a good way to get that. News stations do it all the time. But making the weather sound like the Incredible Hulk does not give us what we want, which is just the facts. Is it going to snow? How much? Is that a lot compared to what we've had before? That's it.
Sure, our language already has built in potential for personification of weather. C'mon. Gusty winds? So, why not have some fun with it. Bodily functions are always good. Just make pleasant things pleasant, and unpleasant things unpleasant, but go all the way with it.
"A high pressure system remaining in place over the weekend will rub your back with the sun's rays."
"Clouds will remain yet another three days, eat all of your food, and use the last of your toilet paper."
"Heavy snows will move in later this week, c*ck-blocking all air travel."
Of course, this storm could turn out to be really bad for a lot of people. In which case I will feel really bad. I should know better than to mock Old Man Winter. He carries a heavy cane.
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